This is an AU alternate universe, for the uninitiated fic about how things would have gone if Sirius had never gone to Azkaban, and had instead raised Harry as the ultimate warrior. The title pretty much says it all — Draco is turned into a rat who is then adopted by Ron and the rest of the Gryffindor house and general hilarity ensues. To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. However, I did find this horribly-formatted site that has the aazing text: Refresh and try again.
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If Longbottom had been on the Quidditch team too, Draco would have committed suicide. All pink elephants? Draco was delighted to see Granger looking at the redhead as if he were half-witted. We can work this out some other way. Sexual abuse! It probably has fleas.
I wash every day! I am sparkling clean and kissable. No, it was too horrible. He tipped over the bottle - no time for neatness, this was life or death!
He began to write. A flash of diabolical red, and Weasley had Draco in his grip once more. Draco felt comforted by this scrap of normality in a life gone mad. The world may become flat and the seas may turn to blood, but Potter and I will always hate each other. That is to say, they told Parvati, and suddenly everyone knew. And suddenly the corridors was packed with people pushing Harry Potter aside to see Ron Weasley and the Amazing Fluffy.
Never mind. He even managed to stop Longbottom dropping Draco, which led Draco to believe Weasley must be far more magically talented than he had ever given him credit for. This led to Weasley being shockingly late for class all the time, which was at least good for a laugh.
He was racing towards Herbology when he slammed into a wall. Wait, no, Draco thought. My mistake. It was Crabbe and Goyle. The Slytherins had arrived to show a spot of interest in the magic rat too. Draco wondered desperately if this interest might be harmless, and then was insulted at the thought that people had been training for years could ever, in any circumstances, be harmless. Well, two was twice one, after all.
Crabbe merely grunted. Wonderful, Draco thought. Bitter, bitter irony! Was he crazy? All right, he was tall, and not that badly built, but Crabbe and Goyle could have picked him up and tossed him like a salad in a sieve. They were probably going to, as well. And me, Draco realised, touched with cold fear. Have I taught you nothing! Another pair of feet, hiding around the corner. I know those feet! Those were the feet in the bathroom when I changed! Which means this is Oh God, what am I supposed to do?
Headbutt him in the toe? Draco waited until a hand reached out for him, and then he did something he had sworn he would never ever do.
He bit down. Bleagh, bleagh, tastes of plastic and Muggle artefacts. Oh, for some Magicmouthwash! Then he ran, ran, ran down the corridors, ran until he felt a hand seize him and lift him up to A worried face. A cloud of hair. He could have kissed her.
Except for his current lipless situation. He opened his mouth to insult her and rail at her about his life, and generally make himself feel better. She had mentioned Ron as soon as he had Crabbe and Goyle hesitated for just a second, as if they aware of something just on the cusp of hearing.
Fluffy led me here. Some form of Muggle Except it was different from music, more, sort of It had a catchy little tune. Draco wished he could dance a bit, since he was quite a good dancer Draco got up onto his two back paws and began to do a little cha-cha that was part keeping his balance, part getting down with his funky rat self.
When he opened his poor unsuspecting rat eyes and found Hermione, Parvati and Lavendar all staring at him. He had his dignity. He may have just been caught wiggling his little furry behind to the sound of Muggle music, but he still had his dignity His father had said the day would come when girls would beg him.
And if girls were clustered around him imploring him to shake his sexy booty, well, it would be something to tell his grandchildren. He got up on his back paws again. And as the girls squealed in delight ha!
His father had said he seriously doubted this would happen, and look, it was so easy Draco considered Ron. It had been a damn fool and just-too-Gryffindor-ish thing to do, getting himself beaten up by Crabbe and Goyle, but it had been Draco was not a big fan of nice, but then Draco rarely had it directed towards him. Besides, he owed the stupid git now. Even if he was poor and had that awful hair and some kind of rodent obsession. Once Draco got back to his old self, there would be the devil to pay for Crabbe and Goyle.
Worse still, the Malfoy. Anyway, Draco thought, perking up, I was wasting far too much time torturing Weasley anyway. I should have fixed my concentration on Potter. We may rape, pillage, loot and burn, but we are not Peeping Toms. Except for Uncle Ethelfride, but nobody ever talks about him in public.
We especially do not peep at Gryffindors. All right, what is this, some kind of strip show? Why am I being tempted beyond the power of rat to resist? Dirty, dirty Gryffindors. It was obscene. They should all be locked up. Eeeew, it would be bestiality. But no, no, they had to keep precious Fluffy with them… Damn my irresistible Malfoy charms!
I will be strong, Draco chanted to himself. I will be strong. Draco turned around and beheld Ron Weasley. Parvati had a death grip on her towel. He actually seems to be telling the truth. Ron lumbered over and picked up Draco. Oh, blow, he thought. That was fun. Ron, wait! The girl who had that heroic and severely deceased Hufflepuff as a lost love, and Potter following her around like a scarred puppy begging to be put down for three years.
Draco was beginning to doubt his judgement. Cho Chang looked at him with her great big shiny eyes and smiled that bright full-mouthed smile. Ron was mauve by now. She was a bit reckless about it, if you asked him. Not a girl with a gentle touch.
Draco Malfoy, the Amazing Bouncing... Rat?